What you’re hiding can heal you

Okay, I had a lot of secrets; I won’t allow anyone from school to visit my house because they will figure out that I hated how ugly it was, comfort-room was not the one I liked. They deserved a better place to go, so I had to decline no matter how much I really wanted them to come visit me.

This cycle happened repeatedly, it became a bad habit. Everytime I am embarrassed of something, I wouldn’t share it because it would be embarrassing for me, and I just can’t afford to be judged based on my own personal judgement.

So it was indeed true, that you are your worst critic; therefore, you’re the only one who thinks the worst about you; unless of course, they’re verbally telling you the words; but if they’re only doubtful about you, they have the right to.

So, I had a previous connection with an old company and I did not disclose it:

#1 it’s because it has changed name

#2 I am trying to forget about it because I will only feel the trauma I had back then; that I told myself, “I will never do that kind of job again.”

#3 I wasn’t proud of it because I did not last longer than 6 months.

Now, I have to go back to this time, because it is required for my healing, and also for me to see the differences.

1. I wasn’t ready.
2. The environment was so cold.
3. There’s no other way out.
4. Salary is lower than the skillsets I was trained for.
5. Unprofessional coworkers.
6. Family issues at home.
7. Traffic issues
8. Overfatigued
9. I was not encouraged to take my leave on the fourth month.
10. Scared to be on leave before regularization.
11. Scared to death.

I realized that anything related to accounting is not really my thing. I wasn’t happy about it and it’s not really what I wanted. It was someone else’s wants.

The truth will set you free. You just have to tell the truth no matter how embarrassing it is and face the consequences for being honest.

Now, what’s in it for you? No need to overthink or think negatively about anything; no need to worry about about anything because you’re cleared. But if you’re not, you’re always not sure. It’s like confessing your sins to the lord, and surrendering everything to him. Trust and have faith in him and everything will be okay.

Just don’t hide anything. Telling the truth is not about trusting someone; it’s about being authentic and being free from guilts and shame. The easiest way to combat shame is to let it out until it became powerless to you.