I noticed that today is March 29, 2026; my mother did not knock on my door, she called from the closed door asking if my brother and I will be travelling… I realized that it would be better to open the door and talk to her face to face, so I did.
The most unusual thing happened this morning… She told me “I will be free on Thursday, Friday & Saturday, my workplace will be close.” Wow, that’s amazing? How I wish I can bring her somewhere she’d really want to go under the condition of not bringing any man like I’m the third party.
Oh, and she’s free today too, so do I… I remember she liked going to “TOPS” but she can’t because herself doesn’t give time, too tough on herself like she’s the poorest of the poor. I was always wondering why would she not treat herself like everybody deserves a little break. Obviously, I knew why. I was once like her.
Anyway, I am the boss today. I have decided to meet up with her under my terms. I guess it will be a good Sunday today… The First time we went out together like a family was just this year too… I spent my 1 day leave to be with them even if I was sleeping and wasn’t that helpful, atleast I showed up.
Well, today will be the Second time and I hope that she will join me diving next time… I hear she’s a good swimmer on her younger years. I guess I do not knew her well and I guess it will be best to seek to understand her ways rather than go against her directly.
Maybe I will have the opportunity to bond with her no matter how hard it feels. She left without explanation & I felt so abandoned and disrespected not knowing her side of the story… All I feel was anger, hatred, and lingering thought that she left for someone else’s who had more money than my father.
“I was wrong, completely wrong.” She kept attracting same type of people who only want her money. It seems like she’s “Discouraged” and no longer settling for anyone nor have plans of having someone and yet she still entertained… not because she’s not aware what’s going to happen next, but because she wants to play victim unconsciously. She always thought it’s the role she played like a real life actress which I’m completely opposing.
I guess the real lesson is to play smart and say “NO” without entertaining the word “What if… I’m wrong.” I guess we must not doubt ourself and let go of those types of men completely. I remembered she sounded so discouraged of herself and blamed herself that her family treated her insignificantly like she’s not a sister nor a daughter but an abandoned child. She said “If only” she had a mother she wouldn’t have been mistreated and would have been protected, and looked at me like “Jealously.” Didn’t she fail to acknowledged me?
I realized how blessed I am to actually have a brother who’s not ashamed of calling me a Sister & I shall do the same regardless of his self induced self judgment. I guess she reminded me of me feeling like a failure… Constantly doubting and unable to make a decision and ended up stopping to avoid failing… Maybe I could try calling her my “Sister In Christ” so she will feel accepted… Maybe I could become her dream family instead of constantly complaining for not having my ideal one because my mother is unhappy of her motherhood.
Deep within me was a pouty child who always want to run away from people who appreciates me as if they’re all liars, hide in shame even if it’s a compliment; feeling not good enough for not being her center of attention and not knowing my wants, and constantly feeling ignored during my tantrums; she literally failed appreciating me that’s why I once believe that praises aren’t real and it’s just nothing. I remained “Pouty” instead of feeling “Happy & Thankful” for years…
Well, it’s time to grow up and take the responsibility I’m running away from. “I’ll do it.” I guess it’s about time to set aside my childish EGOistic attitude and take the lead. Regardless if it’s true or not, “I believed that the Universe is as beautiful and amazing as me.” I will be thankful and grateful for showing up and trying, for asking questions and appreciating me. “I know, I’m good enough,” my friend once advised me to just say “Yes”.
Now it’s your turn. Let’s make it right.
Climbing, Rocks! 