It seems like we haven’t met, but sometimes I feel like we have been together somewhere before.
Which one is fake which one is real.
I’m really confused between us, like it’s so crazy, it made me feel crazy.
Which one should I believe, that old friend I was talking to or that new friend I have recently met.
It’s fucking crazy. The other one seems real, the other one looks like another me talking.
Was he my old self, or was he my new self.
He could travel back and forth from my mind to being real.
But I also met someone who doesn’t knew me. Which one is which for me.
Maybe I was in a dream, that’s why I didn’t knew him.
He released me from that dream, but he gave me that weird feeling.
I’m still weighing what I am thinking.
Surely I will go to someone I knew was new, but is he still new until now?
Or maybe he’ll become another new man.
He told me we can still be friends, I guess we can still be.
After I’ve met the one that is meant for me.
I have a friend or a what. Oh, that man I’ve met was the man I have seen.
In my mind, he seemed so real.
I supposed he’s a new friend, should I befriend him.
No need to get to know, just going with the flow will do.
He offered me something, a new life, new adventure, new world and a new me.
Now it’s up to me if I’ll go that way.
But I think I’m on my way.
I remember now, he was the same guy. He was real. He gave me a new me.
For sure he’s seeing other woman. But how come it looks like he’s seeing me.
I feel like he’s talking with another woman, but I feel weird because it looks like he’s talking to me.
How many is me? Am I real or am I from the past. Am I living life or am I living someone elses life.
He said up to me, my choice.
Wait, is there someone I didn’t see.
Maybe he sees the real me from this me who isn’t me.
Someone who doesn’t knew the real me. This innerchild within me.
Sometimes I got confused between the baby me and the new me.
My mind cannot see the differences in me.
The past seems looks like real even if it’s no longer.
If I will not look around, I cannot tell the truth between past, present, and future.
So who am I? A nobody who doesn’t exist? An old water, a reflection of some who sees me?
Am I special or am I superficial.
Maybe a fantasy with no destiny.
A story that isn’t meant to be.
Forbidden by the man I’m being with.
Am I slave or a what. Somebody seems to not belong.
Maybe a snake who doesn’t deserve.
I must love myself if that’s what they think I am.
Maybe I am empty waiting for someone to notice me.
But how weird is this thing, am I nothing?
Maybe he’s nothing and dying.
Maybe he’s a home without anything.
Would he be something if I would be his everything?
He told me he’s nothing, but I won’t believe. He told me to keep my heart open for someone new to come.
Am I a forbidden tree without anything but a snake and a fruit that doesn’t taste anything.
He was with me all this time. Quitely helping me.
He appeared in my dream I knew it was him. I want another dream.
I have been dreaming of him awhile ago, it stopped when I finally let go.
But his love never stops, he never left me.
I know he loves me very much.
I know he cares about me so much.
But he just can’t do anything.
It made him feel like he’s nothing, because he can’t do something.
He wants to be real. He wants to be kind. But I don’t want him to be because I knew if I will, he might marry me.
But this time, I might have to allow him.
I think I have allowed him already.
We have so much conflicts. So much misunderstanding.
We’re just getting to know each other.
Back then I felt crazy about me.
I was emotionally stress, unable to release.
I needed rest, I have to rest.
Now I’m back to my normal life.
Something cool, I feel like a fool.
I have neighbors, I have someone I knew.
A brother is here, he came all the way from our place.
We were also in misunderstanding, I guess there is something wrong with me.
Maybe I was just acting ugly even if I am pretty.
Maybe I was just acting like baby because I am lonely.
I’n in pain, I knew I am in pain.
My first love broke my heart, I was replaced with someone better.
I have accepted that going further, now I don’t want it any longer.
I want a new life, I want a new start.
Soon after this quarantine period is over. I will be going out with my friends again.
They will be there. I will be there. In that place there’s no restrictions.
No rules to follow. No more feeling restricted.
I came out of my last job, I don’t want to be in trouble.
I feel like I deserve something better.
I feel like I am going to be terminated, if I won’t come out and surrender myself to those who are in need.
Maybe this is my soul’s intention. To submit, to serve and to be served.
I was loved back there. I knew I was. But nobody gives me food, I had to return back to my friend.
She’s my mother, but she’s no longer with us, she’s with herself.
We must learn to grow without them tomorrow.
We must learn to share like we have been shared before.
It’s time to provide. It’s time to give.
I am doing it. I am trying to do it.
I’m an adult now. I am trying to be.
My friend if you’re watching, please know you’re loved.
I thank you for waking me up. That confusion really screwed me up.
But as I keep on moving, it slowly goes away.
I hope you’re okay.
Please don’t hesitate to call me, once you’re ready.