Woman in vain

Consoling myself of my mental health issue, a voice that will keep on coming up.
A brother who keeps bothering your brain.
Noises he made me feel so disrespected.
Who could have ask him to stop playing and cursing in my presence.
No one wants argument, I’d rather not talk about it.
I am just hoping that he will be gone, out of my sight.
I hope I didn’t allow him to come here instead, but those devils knew how to destroy my poise.
If I will allow them to destroy my psyche, and my good mental health, they will win and again I am losing.
I have a debt to pay, to that family I am still living.
A cousin that kept on repeating in my brain how useless I am for not helping their aunt in helping them.

I have this burden, it’s so hard to get out from them.
I have to go to church to release my anger, so I can also stop thinking about how bad they were to me, not at the moment, but in the past, and in the past that I can still feel now.
They all haven’t changed. They’re still the idiots who wants to take my happiness away from me.
A fight that I have been fighting since I came here.
If only I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have come here, but because I choose this, I have so much debt to pay now, I must work for it, I’ll do it for myself, so that I can leave anywhere without running away from anything.

The crazy Bullshits are thinking, I know their minds because I have a copy of them.
They’re playing the world, they’re not honest about themselves.
It’s a guilt that must be confessed but it’s useless.
I hate the idea of it.
When you can read their minds and they’re still lying about it.
You just have to play safe and stay away from them whenever you can. Treat them like you just met them.

But when they’re drawing you in, trying to catch you once again to act as a victim, you have the choice to escape from them one more time.
Just give them the money, that’s all they’re needing.
The food that they gave me, that’s all that hurts and it’s where they can win.
What a funny life, growing with that man this woman forced me to befriend with.
Now she’s trying to bring me close to that asshole I really hated.
I have to decide something, but I must be careful otherwise I might be doing the same wrong thing, a new cycle will begin and I want a new one not the old one.

May the lord bless me and guide me.
I really needed to rethink back of the things I have done that shouldn’t be done in order to start a new pattern.
It was my fear of someone being angry if I will do what I wanted to do.
It will put them to shame, that’s what I am hearing.
And I care enough about them that I choose not to do the things I should be doing.
But now, I am going to tell them face to face, they have to be prepared about this, they’d better be careful in approaching me, I have decided already.

No one will interfere them, I am going on my own way.
I hate that thing but I think it is designed that way to test something out from me.
You have to be focused only on your own goals.
The bullshit that you know must be kept secret or else you’re dead, haha, what the heck, I really have this mental sickness I needed help. I’m aware I am paranoid.
I overthink little mistakes.
Even hard to see the difference.
Maybe due to out of sleep.
But seriously, this feeling shits, I didn’t even know where I got it from.
It’s like a program that’s hard to reprogram.
An authoritative woman who wants her blames to be heard, how hard her life was even if she’s literally fine.
I believe my issue with my brother, triggers this woman in me that I hated to see.

That story itself made me feel tired and lazy, or maybe because I really didn’t jog today, I just read a little, took that nice picture and of course breath. So sad, I didn’t see the sun shining. Now I feel so lazy, I’ll just dance.

Published by Pinky Rose

Hi My Name is Roselyn and I am a Graduate in Business Administration Major in Management Accounting. I wanted to pursue a degree related to Property Management. I saw Commerce as something new to me. The Mother side of the family have Nurses and I want to become a Doctor in Psychology. They're soldiers too! I applied for PAF but wasn't allowed to take the exam because of my Myopia. The father side are into Politics and Farming, I could have taken Political Science or Agriculture, but my choice goes to Accountancy because it sounds so cool and it has a board exam (a requirement to be a Scholar). There are also teachers on my father side. My father is a good farmer, I love his plants. I hope I can offer him something very important. He stopped schooling, he choose to help his parents at the farm instead. My Mother was emotional and stopped schooling too. Later on, she had me then my brother; until she became emotional again and stopped being our mother. Me? I am always blessed and loved by the Universe and the Earthlings, they saw my potential and eagerness to learn new things. I choose to stay and share my knowledge. I wanted to become someone with a different attitude towards life; I'd rather not give than give out of pity; so if I'll give you something, it means you deserve it, not out of bias; I also want to be treated the same, win or lose I'll feel better, as long as it is righteous. Losing/failing will help me change and do the right thing. I am also into writing because I have plenty of ideas. I hope to earn a PHD; research papers are quite interesting; I will really have fun! I am into dancing, just for fun; Dancing is so funny specially if you can't get the steps then getting it right after, it doesn't bore. Singing is my natural born talent but I'm just kidding, maybe not 😃 just manifesting it. I have a book at Amazon KDP : https://amazon.com/roselynmina; written mostly to thank those who have helped me grow spiritually. I finished my Caregiving Training from Feb 2019 to Jan 2020; then became a certified career since 2021. I am working on my personal business, to pursue my passion with a purpose to help the world heal emotionally. I am becoming successful in this kind of business and I claimed it, because I want to manifest it. I am a team player, I want to have fun. I am kindhearted and beautiful inside and out but don't get me wrong, it depends on the person I'm dealing with, I can be rude too like super rude! Taking advantage of me is big no no. You'll get what you deserve later on. I am a goal-oriented person, passionate in writing and sharing the right way. I am in love in all new things specially with JK's personality; he made me laugh out loud, it's so healing. My academic side isn't that bad but also not too good because I still have a lot of knowledge to earn. My friend advised me to exaggerate little achievements though to help me attract more of it. I have a good voice and a good sense of humor if I choose to let it all out. I am passionate and compassionate. I practice an attitude of gratitude. I prefer to be alone than be surrounded by bad influencial people, but I am keeping my heart open for the good guys too. I am receiving support from the Angelic Beings and a future husband that communicates with me telepathically; I'm not sure if I have met him already, all I know is that, he can guide me well. Whenever I am out of my mind and feeling like in danger, he takes over; I may or may not recognize him personally but it doesn't matter, I think he can but I have trust issues so it's normal to not meet him sooner and it's also normal to not recognize him, I guess he already knew. I have an eye in music and arts and love to cook for me. If you believe you will be healed if you'll ask me to heal you intuitively then you will, but it was you that heals you, not me. I can dance and laugh. I am treasuring happy memories. I welcome new experiences. I'm excited with first time events I can travel, take pictures of me with my coalleagues. I can contribute and be of service. I like Song Joongkis movies 😁 he's such a good actor, I have watched most of his movies, but all of his movies in Netflix. But above all, I really love Photography! It's beautiful and exciting to look for good angles. It's a great brain exercise to look at better things in life. ❤ Welcome to my Blog! You're allowed to share your thoughts in the comment sections. Also, please follow and share if you like my artwork. It will help me notice that we share the same values.

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