This is what my Mother mean when she said, “I died”. I couldn’t believe it at first because she’s alive and supporting us in her own terms. ( I am quiet thankful and grateful now, but only recently when I finally started giving back to her in my own terms too.)
She did die, but not physically but emotionally and mentally dead. She moved on from the past relationship she had with my father and every people in the past, lived her life as a single person and totally forgot about the past. It was crazy, at first I couldn’t understand, but I guess I already have.
This is the same story with the Jesus dying on the cross but he’s still alive watching us right? I will call her Jesus Like in connection with my previous article. After all, she’s been watching me growing up and she never said no when I needed her help the most. It’s just that, she’s no longer the mother I used to have. It’s totally dead and I just couldn’t accept it. She became a new person, not a mother, not anymore but kind of like a guardian angel. OMG it’s so weird.
She’s a supporter of truth and honesty, so she’s probably not going to kill me if she will know about these thoughts about her, after all it’s the truth. She’s no longer a mother since the past is dead, and because I have a self that is also from the past, it’s also dead, then I am a new person which makes me no longer her daughter. Sounds like she’s telling the truth after all.
Okay, she’s not my mother fine. Like who cares if she is or she’s not. It’s called “Her Choice* and I am now the “Enlightened One” because I have finally understood what she meant about being dead. Oh well, therefore I must not feel guilty for being a new person to her because again the past is dead and I must put an end to this through peace and acceptance. The past is never coming back, the mother that I knew will never return, therefore .. oh well, I did changed already. I have chosen a new mother since that day she left, my stepmother. She cooked now and it’s a good thing.
Sounds like a continuation of the mother I never had. But because I am a grown up child-like creature, I decided to leave home and be with this woman who were once my mother, died with the past and and lived like a new person who cares. But the problem was, I was still getting those memories of her being an adult to me, harsh like a tiger! And I just can’t accept before that she acted like younger than me. It wasn’t what I was expecting of her and I’m a bit disappointed. It’s because that time, I still haven’t accepted that the past is dead and I didn’t like her as a friend. She’s a bad influence. What made me feel so emotional is when I think of my mother as a bad influence to me because I looked at her like a mother figure, but she’s actually not my mother anymore but someone who just exist not as a mother but someone else.
Oh that was a whole lot of confusions but I’m finally okay now. It’s decided, promise, I can see the rightful mother and father. And it’s my stepmother and my father; not those who claimed to be my parent just because I’m already doing great. Char 👅.
Wow, I just created an epilogue for a beautiful story.