“The time has come when I finally have to decide whether to continue the Marathon or to stop.” I was very tempted to just get in a bus and rest, but I wasn’t there to give up. I was there to face my weaknesses; shame of being seen in pain and barefoot, fear of being the least, fear of being called whatever. I was there to have fun, so I finished it! I paid for that fun, why would I cheat on me.
I did what must be done; I accept what the problem was and removed it. I chose to be vulnerable and I chose to endure the pain. I have decided to let go of shame. I decided to have fun and focus every step that I take, making sure my feet was not stepping pointed objects that will hurt it even more. I was careful.
I was a little bit dismayed that no one’s cheering on me on the finish like; I hardly even smile knowing that I wasn’t the winner; then I realized I wasn’t there to win something material. I was there too have fun and win some lessons! But I walked a little more and a military personnel placed my medal on my neck! He instructed me the next steps and I simply followed! I was shy, “I hope I can smile and show my joy just like everyone else does!”
I understand I was in pain, I couldn’t force myself to celebrate; but I was very thankful and grateful until now, that I did not gave up! I was scared of being seen barefoot so I had to put my shoes while hitting the finish line! “Now I want to see my barefoot self!” I want to congratulate myself for doing things right, for winning against my shameful thoughts and other thoughts that discourages me to move forward. I conquered it!
Finally! After many years, I had the courage to be myself again. A free child who doesn’t care what others think of me. I enjoyed being me, barefoot and having fun like who cares, I’m not fine with my shoes on; I was setting myself free from the protection, because the protection caused so much pain, it’s not helping me with my goals. Having fun and enjoying the process keeps me moving!
I learned a very important lesson of all time on that marathon. I learned to have fun and be vulnerable, while accepting the truth about the truth and simply doing what works for me! Sometimes, you just have to let go of anything that’s slowing you down. Material things doesn’t make you happy for a long time, what makes you happy are those little things and simply natural!
Climbing, Rocks! 