When I was a CG trainee, we had to go through that pain. Injected in our deltoid, arms, with mineral water; it was the most painful physical experience in my life that I almost fainted.
Let me repeat, “Almost fainted” in pain, but I did not die, nor going to. I faced the pain and recovered after thinking of some happy thoughts, as advised by my CI.
Everytime I am being injected, I would look-away, intentionally stiffen my muscles in an attempt to not feel the pain, it was my way of suppressing it. When I had my Covid Vaccine, the nurse advised me to relax my muscles, or else they will not inject.
Of course I almost collapsed because of fear of pain. Me anticipating that pain after getting vaccinated made me anxious, scared and confused. I was definitely in a fight or flee situation. I decided to not fight nor flee. I decided to move my foot and perform a happy feet dance moves.
Viola! It made me happy.
Dancing is a happy thought. It made me feel happy, it kept me in the present moment. Either I will suppress this feeling, run away from it or face it with a smile! As long as you’re not running away nor stopping, you’re fine. Just smile and keep going, knowing that everything is temporary, nothing is permanent. Storms pass eventually.
When my uncle died, who was like my grandpa and a father, I ran away. I acted like nothing happened. I did not feel the emotion because if I did, I’ll only feel the guilt, the angst, the blame, all those painful feelings of losses that gets triggered because of that.
I did not mourn; after a year or two, it came back to me, I couldn’t contain my emotion; it was out of control due to pain, stress, anxiety, depression; I knew I had to take my rest and spend time feeling the emotions and being with me. I needed someone to console me, so I gave it to me first, then I am able to console others too who needed to feel understood and listened.
Sometimes, all you need to do is to feel the pain; to go through it in order to be whole again with yourself; because if you won’t make peace with your pain, you will always feel that gap between your physical body and the mind who doesn’t want to feel the pain body.
It’s painful to feel the truth, but it’s not going to kill you; it will make you feel stronger and whole after that cry. Sometimes, you don’t have to cry, you just have to feel that emotion, observe it and make friends with it until you became close; self love comes next, like it’s automatic.
When you resist, you look for someone else, you kept on looking for another way even if the way is right in front of you, you’re just scared and doesn’t want to go through it. So go through it, it always feel better everytime you came out from great darkness and then you see the light.
Climbing, Rocks! 