After I left home and decided to be on my own, away from family drama; away from people who always made me feel questioned my self worth, compared me to others and made me feel useless; I met a man who loves hiking, camping, and cooking.
Then I noticed he also loves drinking, asking and then making you feel ‘useful.’ He would also highlight your little contributions in his home. Atleast I was thanked for being there. I was asked and I served him like a master.
I found our arguments interesting and challenging, it’s better than being praised for nothing. Facing reality was the best with him. He was cool, in control and also kind on his own way. I appreciate the time that I spent with him, the lessons I learned and the strength I gained.
He would always say, “Let’s make our own story”, but it ended before it even started, because he opened my eyes. I saw my flaws and decided to work on it. I hope to see him again whenever I’m ready but he wouldn’t be free anymore.
One day, when we cross our paths, I would still hug him but that’s it. He was a friend and will always be. I really hope he’s doing well. In the past, it saddened me everytime I am seeing him drinking, as if I was not there and I was not useful in other ways aside from buying drinks, cleaning house, cooking; and it felt like I’m doing it for someone else.
Then I got questioned why I was there everytime he’s drunk or maybe he was just acting drunk just to teach me a lesson. Maybe he didn’t feel my presence at all. It was sad that I wasn’t noticed, nor appreciated for being around. It seems like it was only me who nurtured the relationship, he never put effort into it. I realized I was alone even if I was not.
Then I learned, “It’s better to be alone and happy, than be with someone who will make you feel alone and sad.” Maybe it’s for the best, and it was indeed. Until now, I find happiness in solidarity and doing things on my own, but I kept it open for those people who are real.
I met some of them and I noticed that it’s also fun, crazy and happy to be with them. I’m thankful for every opportunity that was given to me; the chance to learn and start something new! New mindset; New thoughts; New Life! Thanks to the pandemic, it helped me focus on me because I had no choice, I had to. It was a blessing in disguise, it made me a better person.
Climbing, Rocks! 