Growing up in a small town in Mindanao was very cool. I can walk and visit my relatives whenever I want, stayed until afternoon so I will be invited to dine with them for lunch. Good thing I was surrounded by mother’s relatives who really doesn’t hold back in sharing their food.
My parents separated when I was just starting school, I was around 8. They had problems they couldn’t resolve after my brother was born and we moved to the town near our fathers parents. My mother doesn’t feel accepted and was depressed out of shame and guilt. I just learned that she was having postpartum.
She decided to return back to her family and was helped to move in Cebu to work. While my father and I help each other raising my little brother while attending school at the same time. I had the worst pressure in the world growing up but I couldn’t show it, otherwise I will be reprimanded and that would put me to shame, so I’d rather be quite and stay out of trouble.
Within 2 years of her being away from us, my father started cheating and looking out for someone else’s believing that my mother will no longer return. I remember he visited Cebu and saw that she’s also with someone else, which I confirmed to be true. She’s in denial and covering her own wrongdoings too, a cover up for shame. My father couldn’t hide his side and decided to be with another woman after that. He will tell me his secrets and I’m proud of him even the girls he have courted, which sounded so revolting for a 12 year old self, but I’m thankful because he’s honest. He even get my permission for him to be with another family, talking to me as if I’m an old lady.
I set them free but I was left alone deciding which relative to stay for awhile with brother while waiting for my mother to have mercy to her abandoned children. I feel like it’s inappropriate to stay with father and new partner while my mother is still supporting us. It was the most uncomfortable situation of my life, trying to respect mother and my father’s choices. I may have been greedy but only because I did not earn the funds I have, my mother did. It will be an insult to her if I’ll give it to father and feed his partners childrens from the first husband.
Because of uncertainties, I learned to pray and seek guidance every step of my way. I learned to let go of my ego for being introduced as a niece instead of a daughter for the sake of being near our Mother, and only ask those she’s willing to give. I prayed and prayed and prayed, and all my prayers have been granted with action. All my prayers has been answered since that time I started believing in GOD because I had no other choice, I had no one to trust, not even my parents, relatives, etc. but the Lord. It takes time but it surely gets answered. I know for sure that I am always been guided. The Lord is listening and you too are not alone.
Everything I have, achievements in schools, the jobs I’ve had and have; safety from calamities, diseases, and travels, etc. All of those are answered prayers. There’s always prayers behind it. Believe me, you’re not alone. In everything that you do, always pray for guidance and you shall have it. Listen to yourself because your body won’t lie. If it’s tired, then do not force it; it’s delaying you, and there is a reason for that.
“I was riding alone with my father’s while horse when I was around 5 years old, carrying my father’s sacks of rice to be sold in the other barangay near the highway; my horse stop and I don’t know why, I kept commanding to move forward but it won’t follow, so I have to find another way. We have to cross the river; she was afraid of water but atleast she kept on going. Later, I realized that the reason why he stopped because there is no safe passage, it’s a cliff and a wooden bridge for men. If I kept on insisting, she might have jump off the cliff.”
Listen to your body and your intuition. Sometimes delays and rejections are protection. Delay if you must or find another way.
Climbing, Rocks! 