Change Fear

I used to be scared of something new, and something like “What if” What if I will change, this worst thing could happen, I’d rather stick to where I am in order to play it safe.

But you must take a look at it, more closely and in a distant space to compare it.
I have been through this, it happened because I must learn it.
I thanked the Universe.
Now I know what to do and I am sharing this to you.
If an opportunity comes to you and you’re scared that something might be achieved in the future if you will do, then do it.
I just want you to do it.
You know why?
Because I have been there.

I am not regretting it, I could have saved so much time and effort. I learned from it.
But if I will get back in time, and be in this moment right now, I will correct it.
If it won’t work again this time, I’ll just keep correcting it next time.
Just keep learning.
Look at the big picture, that’s what my teacher sir Charles W. Batch 2013 knew him.
If I cannot solve this little problem because it’s too little, then maybe I can solve it by looking at the big picture of it.
It may not look the same, but the value doesn’t change.
Just like in mathematics, different numbers are used to make that simplified number become visible and bigger.

I am telling you, don’t overthink, just think big and look at the big picture.
For me, I could have changed scholarships before I graduated.
I missed the chance of being in a team.
I was lonely, I could have enjoyed my college days. I was offered a real scholarship where I don’t have to maintain such a great standard, and I will have a chance to serve my alma matter full time, but I refused to accept it.

I was scared, I was depending on someone to do it for me.
I could have done it already, but I was too scared, I might fail it.
So in the end, I kept on failing it because that fear of failing something was attracting it.
You too, just face it.
Right now, if they’ll have me do it, then I will just try it.
I will enjoy it, and for sure I will enjoy my time with it.

Whenever I have to decide something and I am afraid of something, it’s a signal for me to try it. Maybe it will work, there’s so much time left, if it won’t. At least I’ve done something about it.
The Universe really bring you to such world that meets your dreams and your greatest desires.
I cannot wait any longer, I will take this challenge.
Living in fear of losing something, is like living in hell.
What’s the point of failing if you’re not learning.
I will give justice to those failures by taking this chance to change it.
Facing all my fears might be the solution to my unending success.

How beautiful that is. In my dreams. Haha.
But it’s the truth, staying still, not aiming high, playing safe will fail you, because half of your brain is maintaining that fear, too caught up, too on guard, the rest is working but only half focused that’s why you kept on committing the same mistakes.
Now that I have the chance to correct things and make it right, I will take this with all my heart.
If I will be offered, which I already have, and I am enjoying it, since 2020! I will keep it.
I already have it!
I have already succeeded!
Thanks to the leaders, you know who that is.
If you’re reading this, you know you’re one of those.
I was very happy, I will remember that day I was accepted by this company!
I felt so grateful and so honored, that’s why I must be careful.
Looking at the big picture, if there is changes, you must take it.
Even if it is fearing you at the moment, what if you’re not able to maintain it, or what if something will be taken away from me, I think if only I had so much courage, I would have the chance to really make it to top.
But I am not wishing of that, I just hope I could have tried it.
That’s why, right now!
Right now, I have decided.

What’s the use of time if you will not use it.
The other mentality will tell me, there’s no enough time, you will just fail it or be put to shame and be gossiped about it.
It’s the same pattern I have encountered since I was just a toddler.
I kept on doing the same mistake until right now, I am tired of failing half of my life, I think it’s time to keep winning until the end.
Knowing that I will win in the end, I must not be afraid of failure if I do a little change of courage, a little daring this time since I am getting older.

I guess my failures are enough to try something new, letting go of those that’s keeping me stuck is really hard to do, because it has been a part of me and I am having mercy.
But hey dude, wake up, they’re the same person you used to hate and not wanted.
Stay focused on what you want, instead of those that you don’t want.
I was just testing the waters, trying to get to know them further.
But now I have decided, to say NO to them, yes to the new despite of having nothing.

If only I had the courage to stay still and be myself instead of what she thought I am, I would have been so successful by now.
If only I have listened to my friends and my neighbors and not to her negativities, judgments, disrespect, regrets, angst and all her bad intentions, I would have been so great by now. Well, I guess that made me stronger now.
But I guess it’s not too late, to be with the people I need.
I am coming out from her, she will only commit what I am afraid of if I will not do such things that I have always wanted.

It’s not bad to leave if it is for good.
It’s good to let go of them, it means you have mercy.
If they’ll only die in my presence, then I’d rather distant my self, far far away.
It’s called mercy.
It’s sad to be alone.
But I have tried it to be with someone else, yet it didn’t work.
It’s killing them, I am too much for them to handle.
I will give myself to those who can stand my stare as well my laughter.
Because they can handle me better.
Someone that I don’t have to change, I can be myself.
I hope he’s not scared of me, if I’ll show him the crazy me.

I will not change, I will only relax, that’s when everything fall into place.
That’s why I am scared, what if it’s too big and I cannot handle it.
Yes, it is, and this time I cannot stop it.
It’s unstoppable, I have to get used to it.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s