I was wondering why people blame me or call me something I am not, then I tried putting my shoes on theirs, and I understood why. They’re scared to ask questions just like I was way back high school, I hid my face and act as if I do not exist so that the teacher will not call my name and have to answer question I am not sure if my answer in mind’s correct.
One reason, it’s because I am afraid to give the wrong answers. And when my answer’s right and same with the other who have the gots to express themselves and ready to explain “Why”, I’d say “I knew it! I knew it!” It was indeed a very unsatisfying high school days for me even though I am one of their top students, I still feel like “I don’t deserve it” because I didn’t do this and I didn’t do that, I should have done this and that to be deserving.
And so I live my life feeling “Undeserving” of all the things I have achieved just because “I didn’t share” because again, I am afraid and scared I’d be wrong even if I knew I am right. I just didn’t do it because of fear of the “Unknown”. So when someone tells you “Just do it” like right now or the books you have read before, then “Just do it” how will you get to know the “Unknown” if you’re not going to be there to face it.
The most reliable cure of fear of the unknown is simply knowing it. If you’re scared of something, give yourself choices. There are two clear and most rightful answers, a YES and a NO, the rest follows. So there, failure and success. There passed and fail. And if you cannot predict the future then follow the trail of those who have been there. Trust not of your own knowledge but seek, ask, and be open for others answers, those who have been there.
Do not let yourself suffer for a long time, just get to know it. Most suffering happened because of suppression and you suppressed because you’re confused, you’re in doubt and you don’t want to be laughed at if you make mistakes. You don’t want to be disliked, to be gossiped about, to be hated. I mean nobody wants that, but climbing up mountains isn’t really easy. You have to see monsters, understand them and move on from it.
I learned from watching the prince of the dragon, AL danced with the monsters, I mean they just want to be entertained. They looked scary to you, but that’s actually how they’re having fun with you. “Entertain them” that’s what my friend said to me. I realized it just today. He said “Dance”. Dance with it. Have fun and invite them, do not close your door or they will force you out.
So, ask yourself, YES or NO? Why and why not? Then you can keep asking Why and why not, until things become clearer to you.
Oops, it’s easy to say but hard to do, I must walk my talk 🤭 But here I am writing for my personal reference. Self taught, self learned, self helped. I am thankful and grateful.