I had been suffering from confusion many times before and sometimes in the present moment. People who knew my parents would seriously look at me or treat me as if I am one of them.
It felt so real that if I am not careful, my mother and father would rush through my veins and started talking in my behalf. Sounds crazy isn’t it? But there are just numbers of people who are really good at activating them within me.
Again, if I am not careful, I’ll become one of them. You see, their past isn’t that good. Those people who knew it, doesn’t know me well, so they just assume I am like my mother. It pisses me off.
Everytime I hear any of their voices, a part of me would want to react out of nowhere it’s definitely not from me. I feel like I am possessed by some spirits, ancestral spirits by the way.
My goal is to always let go of this feeling, this isn’t me, and I must not allow it to control me. It’s subconsciously trying to act on my behalf as if I am drunk, like their voices are calling me to re-act the past, which something I must not allow to happen.
I have to consciously shut it down. My subconscious is so strong, but my super conscious brain is stronger than them within me. It’s like I am a rider of my own dragon who wants to constantly fight and constantly seek for revenge.
But because I vowed myself to change something that’s not good, and something that must not happen again, it has to stop with me, and that’s definitely my life purpose. I carried with me the DNA of my mother and father.
Mostly, it’s my mother’s DNA whom I have so much to heal and let go of. Grudges, etc. His brother is just so good at making me believe I am actually like her sister, that’s why, in all my ways, I have to make sure to have a unique identity separate from her, if I have to change my DNA whatever it takes, I will do it.
I’m not a fan of her, she’s definitely not the mother I would choose if you will ask me now that I am aware of good values and the bad ones, which mother I would choose, I would choose mother mary for sure.
If you will only know my story, and you’re not a bias type of religious person, you will surely understand me. But I am not saying I am angry of her, I have totally accepted her for who she is now, after all I am quite like her which I am trying to change.
It’s not easy, but if I did, anyone who wishes to change themselves can. It took me lots of years wondering how I can be my true self when I am against the self that I was originally given by, the DNA my mother has is within me as well and I just hated it so much I wanna kill it 😂 but I just can’t, because it is now me.
Sounds like a story from a movie, but anyone who can understand those I was talking about is supernatural. I adore you. Thank you. Oh and well, in my quest, to be myself, I found out the easiest way to be yourself, to not be a puppet of someone else’s thought.
You see, the evil lives in the past and they want to express themselves by stealing your present moment. They live in every human being, believe me or not, I have read this one before, I have forgotten the book, but I would say IT’S TRUE because I can see the difference now.
I can see and differentiate a person who’s acting the devil, or speaking in behalf of someone from the past persona; from their real selves. Because of that skill, I can change the topic draw you out from that devil, but only when you listen and communicate with me.
if you don’t answer my questions, you’ll stay asleep, but if you do, that means you’re awake and just acting, which means your act is intentional. I will only stay away from you, that’s the key, otherwise I’d be brought back to the past and if I am not careful I’d be stuck there.
But there’s a way to bring your brain back to the present. Just switch your thought back to that recent memory, something new, something unforgettable, not a family member but a friend, celebrations, or even now, this very moment.
Mindfulness really help and of course ability to divert your thought from one though to another thought different from the people you hated. You may not be able to change the past, but you can diffinitely change your current thought anytime you wish and that’s kind of the same thing. That’s the quickest way.
But if you want to permanently disable that thought, then switch it off, and do not hesitate, ignore them completely like they don’t exist, because they really dont even if they appear like they do. You might as well consciously keep yourself distant from them forever for they’re not helping you live the life you created for yourself.
One nice tip, look every single people you met as new people, or people you haven’t met before, cause if you don’t, you’re stuck and you will be stuck in the past thoughts that no longer existed, unless it’s a good one.