I realized something very important. I feel like writing it down so that I won’t forget about it. So if I might forget about it, I still have this site as my reference.
So, in my last post, I was talking about my mother’s past and their history which I really hated. I knew it’s none of my business but I can feel those bullshits she’s been through. Despite all of those she remained a martyr, I suppose, because they’re family, I believe that’s one of her reasons.
In my quest to getting through all these emotions that came out from nowhere and the stories she told me before which could be all false, who knows she might be lying to manipulate me, she’s kind of a manipulator, she’s good at acting and everything; I realized that it’s all in my head.
The stories she told me, false stories maybe, but I kinda believe it, were all in the past. Even if you wouldn’t listen to her, she would keep talking like she’s being asked to and that irritates me, but the more I resist to her the more I absorbed her stories.
The lesson there is that, when somebody likes talking about the past, simply get lost from them, but in my case, I had no choice– my cousin was right again– since I was a student and I depended on her financially. I was like cursed for accepting her money. Such a bad influence.
Well, I asked myself, if free to be myself what can I do now that all her bad stories caught me off guard, it sets me to fear them and the people she’s talking about. Knowing that fear freezes someone’s ability to do what they really want at the moment, it’s like I am always feeling manipulated to do what they want me to do.
I guess, same goes to those people, she told them bad stories about me causing them to act a certain way, she’s like a devil wanting to manipulate everyone to fight for her. So, inorder to regain back my self control, I must focus on my goal, and my goal only, regardless of whatever fearful thoughts is playing in my background.
I have to see the truth so I will be free to be myself, and to treat them accordingly. Awareness and mindfulness helped me see the difference between the past stories I was told by her from the current reality that I am in. It takes a lot of effort for me at first, but as soon as I get used to mindfulness, everything came naturally handy.
First, we must not blame her for her bad intentions. She’s smart, and I knew at the back of her mind she’s thinking of some revenge only she knows about and all she wanted to see suffering self in us, that way she can act like a hero and a villain at the same time. I never thought movies could be similar to real people. It’s indeed created by humans, so they got the idea based in reality.
I’m so lucky I like watching those movies, it helped me understand people’s brain and their plans. My psychic ability is just getting stronger. I will use it for me, not to take revenge but to take myself back whenever she started manipulating me or the once she summoned to manipulate me.
She’s got a lot of puppets, I wonder what false stories she told them so they felt that mercy for her and act on her behalf, and then she would deny to death that she never asked them to, because she didn’t, she just said something that triggered these people to act a certain way.
Oh well, that’s a very bad skill to learn, I didn’t want it, I just grew up with the psychopaths. Hard to be good when you’re being taught how to lie and manipulate people and then blame them for all the things they have done, as if it’s our fault why they’re a badass to us, causing us to blame ourselves down to self anger that once took away my everything.
Well, I have a solution to that. I get back on my knees by getting to know my true self, who I am in the eyes of the honest and good people, professionally Godly, to the eyes of the angels and real friends who have seen the other side of me; then whenever I felt so angry of myself for no reasons, then I just have to FORGIVE myself and ACCEPT myself for being manipulated.
1st step, be aware that you are being manipulated, you will know it once you are emotional.
2nd step, Immediately forgive and accept yourself for feeling that way. Assure that it’s totally okay to feel that way, after all, you are human, and you’re not Jesus, but he’s got your back, have faith in the good people that cares about you but make sure it’s not one of them, once it’s laughing and bullying you, immediately sa NO to their help, they’re toying you around. Reject them like how they deserve it.
3rd Step, know your worth, develop your skills, do what you can, and constantly improve yourself like it’s your only purpose in this world, to develop and teach only those who believe in you, do not waste time teaching assholes who will only see your weakness and not your strenght.
Lastly, stay away from people who will only take you for granted, take what they learned and then belittle you afterwards without even thanking you for what they learned from you.
To begin with, attract people who are thankful and grateful for the little things they have and does not brag about being better than you; for those people who are thankful and grateful, are the once who deserves to live longer.
That is why guys, depart from evil and do not be afraid to show no mercy, decide to depart at all cost, because they’ll deceive you to stay with them at all cost as well, they can’t allow themselves to see you becoming very successful and having others to enjoy it with you. Ah, that reminds me of CRAB Mentality. Oh that’s them, beware! š
Oz! š
Transformers 