“Be the person you want others to be unto you.”
So far, I am convinced that most of the emotional problems adults face rooted from their childhood upbringings. So if we want change, we must start from the very beginning.
I told myself, there’s nothing else to lose but my habit of running away from my fear of facing my emotions because “What if I can’t control it.” But that’s why we’re facing it so we can control it.
All this time, I felt unsupported, even though the people around me supports me a lot and I knew it consciously. I knew I am loved and accepted, understood and appreciated but it just doesn’t feel like it.
There’s another story within me that says, “I am not being supported by my father and just can’t accept it; I am so angry of myself; I hate everyone; I have no one; I don’t know what to do; I can’t understand; I am not being listened to; I am not good enough; I’ll never be good enough; I’ll never do that because no one’s going to support me; I am surrounded by bullshits but I can’t really come out, someone’s stopping me, even if there’s no one but me. I am stuck somewhere, I don’t know anything; I don’t know where I am.”
Those feelings were like the acting side of me, feeling like it’s real but it’s actually not. It got me convinced that if one is not real then you’re just acting to please the world/the people around you. I am so glad to have this ability to see the difference, but it also got me angry knowing the truth and still being lied in my face. It’s so frustrating.
When I was in grade 5, I could have followed my father when he stopped me from going to school, but I knew what I want so I go against his will, feeling guilty for choosing my decision instead of my father’s. All my childhood life, I felt so unsupported, deciding for me, trusting no one and choosing the right people to influence me; I had to distant myself from the crowd so I can see the BIG PICTURE, where it’s going and how it is going to end.
I always knew that “I can see something others can’t” but it’s so deep and scary and my close friends call me Weird. I wouldn’t be around them if I hadn’t see the real them; that only means, my friends are special and for sure I am special to those who call me a FRIEND as well.
Sadly, both my parents aren’t my friends but I am so thankful and grateful that I got to know them. It’s weird when you can see things very clearly when you’re young, that’s why a child is honest. Because when you’re adulting, even if you know something, you have to shut your mouth to respect others or else you are Mentally troubled. Tell the truth in front of a God and trust only him; the rest is up to you, whether it’s a lie or not, there’s a thinking mind behind it and everyone has it’s own reasons.
Adults will say things you want to hear to please you, they are risk takers. When you see what’s going on around the world and it’s just crazy, and you know that someone’s analyzing your own actions wondering what could be the reason why she’s doing this and that, it became a normal thing. Guess what, only a few of me existed and if they’re around, I will know.
The adults play games, and those who can’t see them becomes a victim, but those who can, always win no matter what because they knew what is right and they knew just how to do it right; they’re good at seeing the right way and I want to meet those types of adults where I feel like home when surrounded by them.
It’s such a nice feeling to be surrounded by honest beings, because you can be vulnerable in front of them and feel free to be yourself. It’s the most beautiful and precious feeling in the entire universe, feeling alive and living. It’s very important to meet those partners who are extremely honest with each other, I always feel good around them because they’re the type of lovers who wouldn’t cheat on each other; where a weak woman felt the safest to be herself and feeling supported whatever roads they will follow and create in the end; this is what make a tree beautiful and strong, because it grows branches and bears their own branches that also bears fruits that makes the owner abundant.
In our case, since we’re not trees, we have brains as the field, the belief as the root, the thoughts make it grow or dies, it’s really up to you; have faith and trust to branch out, and allow yourself to become a tree full of branches that bears a lot of fruits, if it doesn’t bear any good, then cut it out, it will only affect the other branches.
Thoughts are what makes the branches, and if that thought doesn’t give you any good but depression and insecurity due to its weakness, don’t ever hold unto it nor step on it, just cut it and let it go; they’ll become good woods to make fire to keep you warm until the thoughts no longer affects you, just let it burn.
“Practice what You teach.” A message from my Angel 😁 I got it somewhere but I knew it’s from him, we’re always fighting coz he said I’m such a terrible listener and if worst happened to me, it’s all my fault. He’s so sweet 🤪. Namaste ! 🧘