Emotionally Free

“Fear cannot win against fear; expecting to win while fighting with fear is like expecting to be in peace while fighting in anger.”

Ah, I’m not sure if I said it correctly, but my point is that..

“You can’t solve a problem with the same thinking you’re using when you created it.” Whose this quote? Googled and it’s from ” Albert Einstein.

My point is kinda like that; although, instead of using the word thinking, I want to replace it with the word emotion. So now it should sound like, you can’t solve a problem with the same emotion you’re using when you created it.

Now, if I’m into facing all my fears time to time, I cannot face it with fear, I’ll only stop myself because of fear. So if I wanted to conquer my fear successfully, I’ll face it with faith, trust and a better goal in mind. There’s only one way to defeat all your fears, anxieties, etc. Depression, all those emotional feelings; only one feeling that can calm you down.

“It’s faith”. Have faith.

The last time I was in a boat going to Malapascua Island was last 2014, with my BF, it was also my first time feeling toasted inside a boat. But guess what, I did not panicked. I took a leap of faith and believed in the Captains ability to bring me safe to the shore. My mind was only focusing at the shore, with the intention of reaching it. My faith, trust, and support in my intention probably helped. The Captain was able to get us through safe. Everyone was so quite.

The last time our neighborhood was on fire was June 2019. I woke up from the screams of my neighbors and caring people knocking at my door so I will wake up from my deepest sleep. They were all panicking, but I managed to secure everything important and walked out the door relaxed like nothing happened.

If I think of a disaster, I’ll only have a panic attack. So I learn to surrender, “Lord, if anything will happen, it is up to you; it’s beyond my control and I surrender the people I care to you.” I relaxed and waited not knowing what will happened next. My dogs may have died, and the people who have cared about me; but then again, thinking about Negativities only made me feel sad and crying; so I had to cut it short and surrendered instead.

Everything turned out okay for everyone; like no one got injured; and everyone’s alive; but most importantly, I saved myself from panic attacks. It wasn’t so bad compared to the Earthquake last 2013 while we were taking our Final exam. I stood up like a Giant with big legs stepping out, but I couldn’t jump off the building, so I had to return back inside the room; but my classmates were already laughing at me because they saw me with that big step. I looked at them and laughed back because they’re so scared and they’re hiding underneath the table and a chair that’s too weak. If the last floor will collapse, the chair won’t be able to save them too.

Anyways, in order to be free emotionally, have faith and courage to believe and trust in your instincts and gut feelings. There’s always a way. Just have faith and everything will turn out just right. Things has to happen, but in the end of the tunnel, there’s always that bright light. You’ll become who you want to be and you’ll experience the place that you dreamed of, just be patient.

Feel the pain now, and heal in 3 days ; rather than suppressing it with lies, illusions, proxy that’s not true and forever feel the pain. Ah, my family’s broken and it’s imperfect, but for 20 years I acted like I’m okay, careless, like it’s nothing; living in a dream, living like my family’s intact through other people, I had a fake father, fake mother and fake brothers and sisters. Until it got triggered, the truth slapped me at my face and it was the worst experience I had ever. I was very depressed. Living in a lie as if I had a perfect family turned me into a liar. I lied to me so I wasn’t able to do it right. I allowed people to fake me, to abuse me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Until, I’ve had enough, it’s time to face the truth.

I’m still facing the truth but the effect is not as bad as before. I wish I had someone consoling me while my parents go separate ways. I hope I had the courage to vent out my self-anger; I hope I did not suppressed it longer; I hope I had someone to trust; I hope I had someone to talk to about my sufferings. But I had no one. It felt like, I’m always wrong and they’re always right. I hope someone told me that to deny your emotions, to hate yourself is a bad thing. I hope I had that; my childhood could have been better, if someone trusted me, believed in me, appreciate my achievements. I hope I had such a loving and supportive parents who does not only talk about themselves but how good their children’s are.

Now I realized, I kept talking about me and not about you. It’s because I have no idea how much you have struggled as well. I just hope you know, you’re not alone coz I’m smarter now, knowing alone that I am not alone. You can do it too. You can still execute what you could have done more. You can still give yourself, the freedom, to feel that emotion, and to be finally be free from your bondages.

You can still provide yourself, the people you wish you had before. I believe in you, you can do it! We can do it! We can be better. Feel those emotions and do not hate it, embrace it like you are the master of it all because you are the source. Conquer your fear of pain with love, faith and gratitude, with good intention. Happy healing!

Happy Saturday! ☺️

Published by Roselyn

Hi! I'm Roselyn! The first and only daughter of my father. He's a farmer and I am so proud of him for raising me and accepting me as his own. I believe that Broken families are meant to be broken for good. As a product, I always feel in-secured about family coz I think I don't have one and I am left alone; but the truth is, I still have them, they just went separate ways and I just have to accept that and move on. It's my only insecurity, I have no place to call my home coz my parents doesn't have one. They're broken after all. I'm going to make a family and it will start with me.

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