Lately I’ve been thinking; thinking inside my little box. Got so quiet, unaware of my surroundings.
My neighbor saw me and teased “Break him up, already.” Then he laughed. I was out of the world, hiding as if no one’s seeing.
I am once again bothered of the shame and the judgements I have to face. Being tested by my own crazy thoughts about people who doesn’t even matter.
People who doesn’t even knew me; judging me as if they knew the whole story. Their voices echoed, oh I’m not that sensitive. I deserve to be with me, safe from negativity.
I have to end it all, back to my peaceful mind. No more fear, no more plays, no more doubts, just accept it. Do what is right, that’s what I’d say.
You deserve a loving relationship, not something full of uncertainties. Enough is enough, these people doesn’t even matter. Who are they to bullshit me in the end, unless of course if I allow it.
It was me all along, unable to accept what is; trying to cheat the world with my tipsy words. Flirting like slut, even if I’m not. I’m a good girl, my good friend said. “I’m a good person” my adult person said.
I deserve an adult, who doesn’t flirt around; who’s not scared to confess and is true to me. Proud of me, like he should be. But now I’m not sure, what to believe, my thoughts crumbling, nothing of those are real.
I know what I want, I must stick to it; but I will also be careful, to fly on my own; until then, I will be on my own, letting go of the thoughts I never own.
Letting go of nonsense, letting go of everything; they knew nothing. I deserve an adult, in words and in deeds, not a child who keeps bothering my mind; giving false hopes, playing like talking a novice teenager.
I guess, I am meant to grow up, on my own; to suffer, watching them, entertaining their little games, was a choice that must be forgotten. I mean, in the end of the day, they take all the credits, not me.
It’s time to be me; to be where I must be. Learn to live without, always without; move on with your life, achieve your goals. Follow your lane, no trespassing. Just be you, move on; you don’t need anybody, just you, is enough already.
You’re not crazy to chase somebody. With or without is fine; nothing changes. With or without is still painful, I’d better go my own way; where I’d be happy.