When I was young, I am not aware that we actually needed money; because back in the province, our foods are free.
I saw kids having monies but only buy junk-foods, “I’d rather not have it,” I said to myself. But when I started going to school, I acknowledge the need of money to buy me uniforms.
“Oh, I thought money is just for junk-foods; it actually have value and other usage.” So, I got angry, “Why on earth does everybody needs money.” I wasn’t sure how to find it.
“My father was only a farmer, we didn’t even have our own land; how can he find money for me?” I hated life needing money. It’s hard to adjust from having freebies to being responsible of my parents hard-earned money.
I hated being dependent to them. I envy all their abilities. “How come my father isn’t scared of horses, carabao’s and other animals? If I’m scared of those how can I earn money for me?” At last, I have this all out.
I went into business. I sell candies to my classmates. In return, I’ll have two pesos out from 10 candies sold. I used it to buy me rice and vegetable. It was cheap back then. Life at the province was easy.
My father doesn’t want me to go to school because he said, “He has no money.” He’s right. He doesn’t have any, nor willing to work his butt to put me to school. He wants everyone to be just like him, a farmer.
But my mother was a dreamer. She did everything to get out of the province, even if it means leaving us with her family. I had hopes and I believed that I will be helped. So I was!
I kept on schooling, despite my father’s disapproval. It was emotionally hard, but not mentally nor physically. I always go on stage to receive my recognition.
My father was always invited and he’s happy for sure, he just can’t show it. But he went to put on my ribbons during my 6th grade graduation, as well as in high school.
I hope, he was with me during my college graduation; but someone else’s was there. It was not a happy graduation after all. I’d like to take up another course; this time, I want his attendance.
But… I realized that with or without him; my graduation always feel sad. So, I did not invite anyone in my Caregiving Graduation Day Celeb. It was the happiest and the most surprising day ever!
Sometimes, the best days of our lives, are the times when no one’s around to be there for you. Some people just want to be with you, not because they’re happy; but because they’re forced to.
It’s better be alone in peace than be surrounded by people who aren’t grateful that you existed. Now I understand how it feels like to be with me when I forced myself to be with people I am not really happy with.
Forced relationships causes unhappiness. Being your true self saves lives.