I’m just sad, that’s why I’m angry; thanks to this book by Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC; at least now I understand the source of my angst. This is the truth, I’m sad and it’s okay. I failed to grieve because I was scared of being laughed at if I’d cry; it would make me appear weak and it’s so embarrassing.
Now that I know it’s okay to cry, I will let myself cry in front of the people I trust and people who truly cares, respect and understand me. I wanted to attract those people so I have to process my own source of angst and sadism. I am still attracting them in my life, and I wanted to put an end to that. I would like to help them get over it as well, instead of taking revenge. No matter how hard it is, I’d like to understand and forgive them, so I’ll start with me.
I was like this “Little Guy” I met for a year now, who would pick on me and others for our differences simply because he’s upset and wanted everything we do to satisfy him. Everytime he’s pissed, he’s going to name us names, bad words unimaginable. We wouldn’t fight him because we don’t want troubles but he likes picking up on us because we don’t fight him back. We simply have to stay away from him but he will always invite us in, so he pick up on us and laugh at us.
I would say, I’m not as worse as that, but now I can understand them and I can let them go peacefully, forgiving them and moving on with my life. I simply wanted peace and I will start by understanding myself and others like me. Soon as I’m done with me, the guy will change the way he’s treating me. I noticed it just this year, a little bit better than last year.
Inner-works really do magic, it can transform disrespectful people into a respectable one. Now I believe in “Respect” is earned and cannot be given. “Trust” is earned and cannot be given. Life is indeed an amazing mirror of each other, you attract what you are vibrating. Standing on my own, saying no to people who doesn’t really want me around is a bold choice. This fear of losing them and leaving me standing on my own is slowly dissipating into thin air. Sorry to disappoint them, but I’m used to being on my own; life goes on without them, even better than being around them.
People come and go, specially those who doesn’t belong to you; you deserve respectful people, humble and real winners, not those who are proud and have not proven anything yet in life. So, say “NO” and be thankful and grateful that they left you so you can be your better self and you can start attracting the right people, humble and real; not a bully and proud.
Now that I started working on my losses and started grieving slowly until pain will no longer scare me; I started attracting better people. I know I’m in it, I’m on the right track, just a little bit of a push to the right direction and they will no longer have effect on me. A little snap and lights on will make me feel happier each day.
Last Monday, in a Jeepney; I was upset and sleepy, they had me step up so they can close the door; but they can actually close it without me doing anything. They just made me appear wrong for not closing doors. I wasn’t the blockage, they chose not to. I was upset and wanted to sleep on it.
I transfered to another Jeepney and asked the passenger seated before me to pass over my fare to the driver. He’s probably upset and I probably touched his ego the way I sound (remember I was upset before him) I said, “Please,” then I said, “Cmall.” He’s a jerk and started disrespecting me. He wants his hand touching my little fingers while I was acting asleep; he was having fun with the other jerk seated next to him, they’re laughing like crazy. I moved my hands and he would follow, still touching my fingers. It was all intentional. I would move over far from his seat and he would move with me.
I was already very upset and really wanted to get off the Jeepney but I did not; instead, I chatted a friend. He replied and I was relieved. I was going to cry already; luckily, he was there answering my chats and comforting me, advising me to stay calm. My patience was being tested, and I was able to pull it through. In the end, he respected me and said, “Bye, Ma’am” as I removed myself from that Jeepney. It was a nice ending.
“I was sharing stories and ended up being bullied instead of being understood.” Be careful whom you shared your story to, specially your weaknesses; not everyone is kind like you. “Accept that you have hurt and accept that you’re hurt, because everyone does that,” says the preacher. “Start again, and believe me you’d be hurt again.” Just keep on trying until it won’t hurt no more and you’ll be good at having fun with all your pains. Be happy! That’s life and that’s what makes it life beautiful. You hurt, you heal. You hurt again, you heal again. So don’t be scared of pain, everything will be alright. Everything heals in time.
The next day, I met two gentlemen, completely opposite from the two civilians at the Jeepney who were picking up on me and feeling close like they knew me, but they don’t and they don’t care; this two gentlemen were healing. They’re very respectful and very Quiet. They sit next to me careful and relax and I felt so at ease. They respected my silence and never bother me at all. I enjoyed their company and I’m so proud and thankful that I have eaten with them in one table.
The day before, I was very disappointed; the next day after, I was very impressed. These two patterns always go hand in hand. “Never lose hope, tomorrow is another day.” Survive now, rejoice the next day. You’ll meet the right people in time, just keep on going. Focus on the NOW and never let one or two people ruin your entire day.
Im so proud of those two, they’re very healing. They’re in the military by the way; I can see it by the way they move and the way they made me feel safest and relaxed. They just let me be and I just let them be. I’m scared of getting to know them because they are “Sirs.” Luckily, they’re not wearing uniforms that day, I felt at ease way more than I first saw them. I realized there’s no need to be scared of respectful people, the scariest people are those who doesn’t care.
Climbing, Rocks! 