As I’m getting older, I’m getting wiser. I am slowly understanding the reason behind the troubles and the hardships that I have to endure in order to get to where I wanted to be at.
I used to complain and even until now I still feel like complaining, although I am more in control with my choices. I learned to pause and ask this little questions that shape the way I react to a certain situation.
Many times, aware or not, I was constantly comparing myself to others who are much better than me in the industry I was at. I wonder why they’re much better than me and why I am not like them; why I can’t just be like them, academically super good; even though I was also good but not as good as them.
I wonder how they made it. I wonder what makes them, them. I thought it’s because I had no complete family, it’s broken; unlike them, they’re complete, supported, accepted and happy. Well, looking back, I also had family, although not complete; but it’s not the ideal family I wanted to have.
I was secretly craving for a whole family, eating together, laughing, playing, joking, just like my neighbors and other families. Sadly, that made me angry because I knew it’s not possible; I hated the fact that my mother and father we’rent the parents I thought they should be.
No matter what I do, it wouldn’t change them. The first and last time I saw them together was during my high school graduation. I thought it was just me and my mother; suddenly, my father came up to my stage to wear my medals; it was awesome right? I wish I had pictures of them together, but I left for college weeks after. I wasn’t able to get my photos with them and… š
Anyway, there are things that are really out of our control; things we couldn’t ask them to be, because they have their choices not to keep their relationship. It would be hard for them to be parents with each other. There’s nothing I can do; that upsets me so much, which makes me hate myself just by the thought of it.
“There’s nothing I can do.” Unbelievable! But yes, I can’t force people to be with me just because I feel needy.
I learned to stand and embrace the truth but it takes a while and until now I can still feel that feeling; I still have that belief that I am a victim for their failed marriage, but I am already working on it. “It’s not my fault that I cannot force two wrong people together for my own sake.” It’s my GIFT rather to spot two people who are meant to be together.
I’m happy to have developed this cupid skill. I see when two people are right for each other. When I say right, I mean two people that can build a family and will chose their new family, their childrens; than their brothers and sisters. A mistake that my mother did, which weakens my father and eventually broke my entire family. She wasn’t ready for it.
Everything happens to teach me a very good lesson in life, that I can teach to women and men. Men, choose a woman that will chose you, not their brothers and sisters; chose a woman that will be loyal to you. Women, be loyal to your man; he chose you. I mean, what do I know about loyalty, but I learned that valuable lesson. Family is the backbone of every children’s success.
I may have achieved something unimaginable (at least, to me), but that’s because I did not gave up and I learned things the hard way. It wasn’t easy to create a new you, you have to learn to let go, and letting go requires faith, trust, and surrender. Your first step to letting go is going SOLO! Accept the unacceptable. Unless you’re ready to face the new world, stay single! Marriage is not a race; children’s are made; your choice now, will affect the future generations.
Climbing, Rocks! 