Dealing with Toxicities

“If they can’t give you peace, give them peace.” – Me

I had been negatively self talking and fighting against my own negative thoughts about others negative thoughts. I react negatively and I’m like in a mental war. Who wants to express it anyway, we don’t want trouble anyway.

Well, thank goodness I can write it down. I know for sure that I am not alone, there are more people out there who are like me, “A mutant πŸ˜‚” just kidding. I mean, crazy as it sounds but it’s really craziness when you mentally fight a recording from your subconscious that’s no longer real.

I often a victim of falling into a mind trap, it’s stupidity but it just came in naturallyπŸ˜‚. Like talent it’s inborn πŸ˜‚. It’s so funny, I’m really laughing from this truth. I know it’s weird, but that’s okay, my friends call me “Weird” anyway for having my own world, do I? πŸ˜… Mental world yeah πŸ˜›.

I just hate gossips and negativities, fights everywhere. Because those conversations, those toxicities stays within my brain and it keeps on playing. How to stop it? Oh well, here’s my automatic response, I fight it, like you know, fighting a ghost that doesn’t even exist, blindfolded, you think it really existed but it did not. #Stupidity

Anyways, time for Me time. This is the reason why I choose to be alone in my room and do things on my own, to detach myself from negativities. Although, we can’t really avoid it. It’s really weakening me, like geez how can I stop these recordings, it’s already in my brain, it can’t come out so easily.

I know it’s none of my business, but hey dude, I’m human too, like you know, has her own negative opinions, and no matter how I am really trying hard to shut it off, I ended up shutting myself off, resulting to.. you know system down 😭. I’m totally aware of that, I have to do breathing exercises but sometimes it just won’t work.

Sometimes, you just have to wait until it passes and let bad things happen because you just can’t control it anymore, like a drunk that’s not really drunk πŸ˜‚. Take all the consequences and just let go, “What else can I do?” When my crazy fighting self kicks in, it’s too hard to stop it, I’ll end up feeling stopped too. I guess because she has to express what needs to be expressed.

So me, I must chill, I know right? Worries? Anxieties as a consequence, oh no I can’t blame her, but I can only help her correct her mistakes and be supportive. It will pass. I feel like married to my self πŸ˜‚. Oh this girl thing really sucks and it’s really funny when she’s done. At last! I can function better.

This self, I have to always isolate her from toxicities because she’s so easily get irritated, a little OC and.. oh well, not a little, she criticized but I am not allowing it to come out because it’s so bad. As much as possible, we find ways to express it the right way without making a bad history πŸ˜‚.

Yoga helped her, although she’s a little lazy too. But cleaning up makes her so relaxed. Awesome right? Now I have a cleaner, I just have to let her do what simple things she wants to do. I am like dealing with a special child within πŸ˜‚. When your brain is adulting and your emotional self isn’t, it’s really a challenge. I remember, it’s called mentally challenged person, oh count me in? But this is not too often, only when it gets triggered.

I’ll go get a some therapist but I can still handle myself, maybe later? 😜 When you want to cry but you can’t because you don’t want to show weakness, ego thing work against the troubled person. I needed rest and church help me rest.

All I needed is a long long silence, so I am not Facebooking anymore. I have been so into Facebook the past months that I am no longer reading my books, reading craps on facebook that’s not really helping me grow my value, skills etc. I feel so unproductive, nah even at work. I must do something.

It’s time for me to quiet my monster within and take back my own peace. If I can’t turn off these negative thoughts and it’s not giving me peace then I’ll have to give it peace.

Social media diet, starting now. Time to focus to something self empowering. To trust in myself and not depend so much into others opinions. They say, if you’re not going to work on your dreams, others will take you to work on theirs.

I’ll do it myself. Tomorrow is another day and I am heading to that tea shop I want to try, to chill and read something useful to me and my well being.

I hope you’ll do the same too! ☺️✌️

Published by Pinky Rose

I am a graduate in Business Administration major in Management Accounting but I'm not really practicing it 😁 It made me sound cool and I loved it. Although, I am still working with one of the most prestigious financial company in the entire Universe πŸ‘. But I will become a Certified Broker before I turn 40. I decided to take up Commerce before because it was something new to me; the mother side of the family have Nurses and I want to become a Doctor in Psychology now; a psychiatrist and I am my first patient 🀫, it's so natural to me; they're soldiers too, but I wasn't allowed to take the exam the last time I applied for PAF because of my myopia. The father side are into politics, I could have taken political science but it wasn't offered at my University back then but if it was offered, I still wouldn't get it because it's expensive and I was only a scholar back then; but mostly, on my father side, they're teachers. My father is a good farmer, I hope I can offer him something very important. He doesn't like school he choose to help his parents when he was young. He doesn't like school; he likes women πŸ˜‚ and my mother likes men πŸ˜‚, I mean, they liked dating more than putting themselves to school for whatever reasons, I don't believe it; they could have done it if they only choose it. I ended up pursuing the new way where it doesn't follow any of them; I can feel how they looked down at my parents because they haven't finished anything; they never stopped destroying them until my family's broken. So me, I graduated in Business Administration in which none of them have pursued; I wanted to become someone with a different attitude towards life; I'd rather not give than give out of pity. I am also into writing because they're not really into writing. I am into dancing because these people don't really dance. Singing is my natural born talent πŸ˜‚ but I'm just kidding. I have a book at Amazon KDP :; written mostly to thank those who have helped me grow spiritually. I finished my Caregiving Training from Feb 2019 to Jan 2020; then became a certified career since 2021. I am working on my personal business, to pursue my passion with a purpose to help spread good vibes. I am becoming successful in this kind of business, I claimed it, because I want to manifest it. I am a team player, I want to have fun. I am kindhearted, yes I am. I am beautiful inside and out, charot. I am a goal-oriented person. I am passionate in writing. I am passionate in sharing. I am in love in all new things. I am in love with JK's personality; he made me laugh out loud, it's so healing. I have great success in my academic side, my friend advised me to exaggerate little achievements to help me attract more of it 🀣. It's a mind trick. I have a good voice. I have a good sense of humor. I have passion. I have compassion. I have an attitude of gratitude. I have friends who's always with me in my ups and downs. I have an acting mother coz she likes acting dead, her broken-heart is dead 🀣 I have great support from the angels. I have a best friend who communicates with me telepathically. I have an eye in music and arts. I love to cook for me. I love to tell good news. I love to be of help. I love to help but not too much. I love to heal. I love to dance. I love to laugh. I love BTS. I love happy memories. I love new experiences. I love first time experiences. I love travelling. I love taking pictures of me and my coalleagues. It's called selfie πŸ˜›. I love being me, childish around close friends but I little distant with new acquaintances, I have trust issues πŸ˜‚. I love to contribute. I love to appreciate. I love to be of service. I love to work lightly. I practice tarot card reading; but actually, I just listened to them, I can learn from listening. I practice song writing, but these days I watch Joongkis movies 😁 he's such a good actor. I practice poem writing but I also stopped coz sometimes it's just boring. I don't care if you will bless me. I don't Care if you will love me and accept me for who I am and what I am not. I don't care if you will marry me or not but I hope you will, haha. I love wearing hanbok but I don't really have one. I don't care if you will praise me or not. I don't care, your choice! I will still be happy no matter what; even if it's just a joke. Aside from that, I really love Photography 🀭

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