A message from your future spouse: Gaze

I knew you since the very beginning. Right now, it almost felt like I knew everything about you. But deep within me hides a desire to speak. I want us to talk about what our future holds and how would it look like from now on.

We both get so emotional. We both get so moved everytime we think of being together in one table. What else would we do if not build a family that’s meant to be, but I guess we’re both not ready. I feel like we already have one big happy family that I just turn my back away.

We feel young, we feel incapable, we must still grow, that’s the fact we both knew. But we still longed to see each other even if we knew it goes to being crazy. We will end up separating to each other’s way.

But we still hope that one day, when we are strong enough to hold each other’s hand and show the world how happy we are to finally be in each other’s shoes, we will recognize each other’s gaze.

We knew it’s impossible to talk right now about serious things that involved big change because we both feel like” I am excited but I still have to grow more and more until that day will come that we’ll recognize each other’s gaze.”

I wanted this connection so badly. It’s the best in the world. I knew it since I started being close to anybody hurting me. But I am still scared to live in our quite world, you’re so distant and I feel so alone but it made me stronger everyday.

I guess, growing up with you from a far really is a challenge for me, it’s the most loneliest journey I had to take, without seeing you yet, touching you yet. Really hope that one day we’ll be able to meet. Hopping the Universe will help us get ready for that big day.

We both feel like we are ready, but it’s not time yet for us to see. Maybe I still have to grow a little more so that I can get through the pressures we will be sharing together. I want to have fun, we knew we both are. A special feeling only you and I relates.

I want to talk to you about how we’re going to be happy amidst us being far away. We’re both emotional and it’s not really healthy. We want to be happy whenever you are near me. Let’s grow up more and practice happiness everytime, even if we will look like crazy.

I feel scared to be crazy, I feel scared to be happy, it sounds so precious to me. It’s so different and it felt so weird to me. It felt ticklish, I want to laugh with you like crazy, but it’s so new to me, I want to run away.

I used to stop myself from laughing by getting angry of me. I was too concered people might think I am really crazy. Well now, I guess, it didn’t matter not a single spec of it. I just don’t care anymore if they’ll call me crazy for having fun with the one I don’t even see, I guess I can just smile like Tae, it looks so lovely.

I remember an outburst of laughter that day I heard my grandpa’s fart. But I was holding it because he might think I was having fun with him. Right now, I shouldn’t have. Thinking of you made me feel like laughing crazily. This time, I won’t hold it in, I guess it will really attract you I hope we’re both ready.

“Laugher is the key to finally let go of anything you’re holding in.”

– Beu 🌹

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