What are you thankful for today? Have you stopped denying the truth too?

Things to be thankful for today:

1. A woman have chosen me to sit on her chair as she’s getting off the BUS. She probably noticed I was so sleepy and got destructed everytime a passenger would get in and out.

• With patience, opportunities will knock on your door.

2. I saw a Facebook page advertising about Waterfront Fun Run Activity to Celebrate Love this Valentines and 21K run is offered. I have been longing for this since my last run last April 2023. I will really register! Come what may!

• The more I think of it, the more I attract it.

3. I finally claimed my running shirt! I reserved it since last year, 2023!

• I had the courage to get to know new people and ask questions politely without judging myself for being a learner.

4. I have funds in my account for food! 🤭

• This, I’m always thankful and grateful for; I’ll do it everyday.

5. I’m not sure what, but I’m just thankful! I guess because I have read MeQuilibrium message today about regrets and letting it go; finding your authentic self by writing 10 minutes a day, knowing why I did what I did and doing things right the next time it happened.

• Let’s start with me, not attending my uncle’s burials.

I had so much uncle’s who have passed away already and I have not attended anyone of them; they’ve been my uncle’s but I never felt like I want them in my life, I was young and picky, I want my real father instead of them; I can sense they’re against me, I don’t know why. I think someone was backbiting me in front of them and they ended up not liking me, so I also don’t like them.

I had so much anger and I blamed my mother for that; I think it’s because she’s the only one who knew my weaknesses, and she can either destroy me or support me. I lost trust and don’t know who’s with me anymore. It seems like everybody is trying to save their faces and are willing to hurt others just to appear clean.

I did not go, because I’m angry of them and I’m not happy how they treated me; how they’re jealous of me and how they want to compete against me. I guess when you have someone who’s spoiling you since birth, you’ll really have evil eye watching around.

Well, and I blamed my mother again; because if she’s not making me her favorite, those people wouldn’t be jealous of me; but later on I realized that even if they became my mother’s favorite when I left home, they’re still jealous of me; I guess I’m just simply irreplaceable.

I’m always will be the choice even if I’m around or not around and it’s not my mother’s fault; it’s because I was a good person and obedient. Well, I just have to accept and be thankful and protect those who have chosen me, instead of being angry of them or blaming them why other people hates me for being me.

• It’s not your lovers fault why you’re being hated, people who hates around other people has personal problems; they’re either insecure of themselves or just simply cannot do what you can. They’re not angry of you, they’re angry of themselves; that’s the worse hell in the world. It’s not your mother’s fault for choosing you as the favorite because you are a good person and they knew you’d do better.
• It’s not others fault for giving you what you deserved because you worked hard for it; be thankful and grateful that they saw your potential.
• It’s not your fault that they’re insecure, angry, frustrated, etc. They’re just so angry about their lives. In time, once they learned to forgive themselves and gave themselves a chance to change, they’ll be fine.

In my case, I was very angry of myself and I was very guilty of my trespasses for not liking them at all, for being angry of them instead of being thankful that they’re around; for not being thankful and grateful for their greetings and appreciation; for not believing in them, for doubting myself and not trusting others compliments; for believing in lies rather than the truths.

I have to forgive myself because I was lied and I got hurt and I forgive myself for not giving them the chance to prove themselves worthy. I just didn’t trust myself, so others did not trust in themselves as well. Even if they saw the truth, they did not believe in it and it’s not my fault; let’s be with someone who is courageous and strong enough to tell the truth and defend you because they knew you can! Like my mother did.

I’m so lucky to have her! 😁

The more I write, the more I realized how lucky I am despite what happened. Denying the truth stopped me from progressing. I have to embrace the truth. She’s indeed amazing! I am what I am today because I was reprimanded and I was supported when I’m doing better.