What’s stopping you is not your situation, it’s your need of attention and approval. Ditch approval seeking with the following tips!
- Grow Up!
When you decided to grow up, you will do things with or without the approval of your family, friends and the people around you. I grew up 20 years ago because I had no choice, nobody cares. It was as if my parents separated ways, for me to learn to decide which path I will pursue. Luckily, I choosed education, understanding and faith in the Lord; the church have always been my refuge.
If there’s one thing I was so frustrated about choosing education, it would be because I have to rely on someone else’s money (my mother’s) ; I was too young to earn and support me financially. Being financially dependent with my mother made me became an approval seeker; I am not fully in control with what I can do with it, I have to consider her all the time; it’s not that I was not a giver, it’s just that I didn’t earn it, who am I to give it all away without the masters approval. I had no financial freedom, not even after I started earning my own money 12 years ago ; a part of me constantly seeks approval. I broke free by seeing the difference between the past and present.
2. See the difference
Back then, I still couldn’t spend my hard earned money to buy my needs; I was still the child who will only ask what I thought my mother can afford, or else I will be rejected again. She really thought she gave me everything I need but here’s the truth: I shrink to her wants. She’s wondering why I was unhappy, but if I’ll tell her what I really wanted she will disagree even if I didn’t ask her to pay for me. She will act as if she’s with me, but in the end she’s not. I cannot blame her for not considering my abilities because I myself doesn’t know what I’m capable of until I decided to try the other way.
Being unsupported of my happiness by my own friends and family; their disapproval of my dreams made me developed self doubt and guilt to do the things I really really want in life; I was powerless until I decided to do things without letting them know and surprising them with my results.
I am no longer seeking for their support/approval/appreciation/acknowledgements/Pity/Praise. I got tired and just did things on my own without fear of lossing them or disappointing them; they’re not with me anyway what’s the point of having them around. I decided to go on my own everytime the say “NO” and everytime they “Cancel Me”. I kept going hoping that one day I’ll meet people who shares the same values and interests as me.
I have to see the difference between the people who disagrees from the people who agrees so I can choose whom to listen and follow; without it, I would still be stuck right now and confused which way to go. See the difference between real friends and family and the once who are just acting like one in front of others. Always remember that you deserve something better. If they treated you less, treat them less but treat yourself way much better than you deserve, just do it even if they’re against it as long as it will make you happy; you’re not them, are you?
3. Bully your Bullies
The best way to bully your bullies is to disappoint them with their expectations; for sure they’re not expecting your best. They bullied you because they think of you as the least but if you will show them who you really are underneath your mischievous acts, they’ll go away. Now that’s what keeping you from showing your best, you’re scared to let the bullies go.
You deserve people who gave praises voluntarily, not by force but because they are happy to see you happy. Friendships and family shouldn’t be one sided, it has to be mutual. So if it’s not mutual, then it is forced; someone must let go to save the other or himself; that’s why if you really care and love someone, let them go if they’re no longer happy. So if you truly care about you, and you’re no longer happy with something then you must let go and move on where your heart is the happiest.
4. You deserve something better!
The reason why you need approval because you don’t trust yourself yet, and you don’t believe yet that you deserve something better and that you can do it. You needed approval because you want them to be with you in case you can’t do it. You’re preparing for the worst instead of facing it on your own and believing in yourself that YOU CAN and YOU WILL.
Most people settled down with the less because they think so lowly of themselves; they think they don’t deserve what they want and if they’re not going to take what’s available, they’ll ran out of options and they will be alone. So what? Can’t you not stand alone? If choosing the least will still make you be alone in the end because they’re unsupportive and they’re just milking you like a sugar mommy or a sugar daddy, then better be alone now, why would you suffer with the wrong people for display; just be alone for now but keep your heart open for a man that you least expect to knock on your door; not to milk you but to protect you.
Twenty years ago, you were young and scared of doing things on your own and you’re frustrated because you’re too scared that you will be rejected, you won’t make it, but it boils down to fear of lossing face. You’re scared what others will think of you, but does it really matter? If it’s the truth, then it’s the truth. If they’ll turn away from you after they knew the truth about you, then let them go; who told you to keep those who rejects you? You deserve someone better. So what? So what? So what? I can make it right! I choose it, so I’ll fix it.
Your desire for outside validation even if you knew the truth is a result of lack of trust that’s rooted way back your childhood, you feel unsafe in the hands of those that are close to you; no one stood up for you when you’re bullied; you pretend to be okay even if you’re not, and you’re not walking away to avoid conflicts. As a result, you doubted yourself for not doing the right thing. So if you want yourself back, be there for you; save yourself; love yourself; protect yourself. You’re not a tree, so walk away, slowly but surely.
Grown up, doesn’t need approval, support or validation; they’ll do it whenever they’re ready to be happy! So be it!
You’re approved! 😁
Just do it!
Climbing, Rocks! 