I went for a solo climb today and it’s better than before. I had multiple stops but atleast I did not almost faint like the second time; instead, I figured out something very interesting.
I noticed that whenever I look back and look forward, my energy drops; but if I stayed still while focusing only on the things within my reach, I feel good and alive. I also noticed that a local lady with baggages on her back never looked forward, she just kept going, one step at a time.
She trusted where she’s going and just allow her foot to keep moving forward. So I also followed and it worked! Looking forward maybe the reason of our anxieties and looking backward maybe the reason of depression and resentments. There’s nothing we can do about it anymore, just do what you can NOW.
No matter how many mistakes you did in the past, there’s no point of resenting nor blaming because it wouldn’t change history; instead, it will repeat itself now unconsciously if you’re not watching at your steps NOW, where you are, what you do, right now.
If you want to change the past, do things differently NOW instead of depressing. Trust yourself with your new plans instead of overthinking how it could go wrong, you will only have anxiety in the process. Think about supporting your current plans, instead of disappointing yourself just to save your face, because if you’re not doing it now/you’ll only repeat the reason of your depression. Change is the only hope.
You have to trust the other way because if you have no trust then hope is impossible, you will not do it in the first place. So if something is stopping you from doing something new, then maybe you don’t trust yourself enough. Trust yourself at once, give it a chance. Allow yourself to do the right thing. There are only two ways, the old way and the other way. So only choose one way that hasn’t been tried yet, unless you want the same result. The other way is your only hope, so give it a chance.
I am giving myself a chance to correct my mistakes NOW, that only means that I admit I have sinned, shamed and scared. My mistake is my mistake and I must not blame others just to feel innocent. I realized that my parents blamed each other and cannot accept their mistakes. They cannot forgive themselves because they didn’t see themselves at fault, too scared of shame even if they’re already ashamed within them, they’re just covering it up. I hated it because I also couldn’t accept at first that my parents are my parents and cannot accept their truths. It seems like “Acceptance” is the hardest thing to do.
In the past, I am hesitant to accept, either myself or my parents because what if it is bad so it’s true and it’s embarrassing; however, as I grew up, it really is the truth. We have to accept the truth that we’re not perfect and no one is. We all have struggles and we make bad decisions sometimes. We’re not made perfect because we’re not material things we are living things.
Anyway, there’s nothing we can do about the past but there’s something we can do today that may change the future, so be it. Why not? Evolving is accepting a new version of you that haven’t been discovered yet, giving birth to a new persona. It may require letting go of your old habits that created your old self image.
One more thing, during my stay at that hiking place, looking around the green plants and the swinging of the tree leaves made me feel time much longer than the usual. When you’re stuck thinking, you will not notice the time so it will appear as if it’s gone too fast, but if you’re going to notice everything that’s going on around you, you’ll feel time is so long.
So if you feel like running out of time, just stay present, look around and enjoy what is within your reach, and the best way to enjoy solitude is outside close to nature, closer to you
Climbing, Rocks! 