If you can stop it, you can support it. Choose the other way, don’t stop! Keep going! Read! Stand up! Walk! Move! Keep moving UP!
There is one BIG lesson I learned in my early ages; a lesson that can change your future decisions as well. I am quite sure about it, 100%.
“Support & Forgive.”
Realizations came after I walked 3 hours @ Cclex, Cebu for 9km.
My anger towards my Father have been suppressed. I was so scared to forgive him due to fear of “What If” it’s going to happen again. He abandoned me & my brother for another family. Abandonment had been my hardest trauma, but if I won’t forgive it won’t go away, it will keep on attracting the same patterns. Either I will abandon out of revenge or I will be abandoned again and again until I will learn my lesson, “I am good enough and I deserve someone better.”
After the Union, he never checked on us if we’re still alive; never even hand over a dime for food, education, etc. He was leaving us like we don’t exist, forgetting us like he was never our Father. That’s was so hard for a high school egoistic young lady.
I wanted to STOP everything to avoid embarassment. I STOPPED all my wants & myself from reaching out to my father and all I have was my mother who’s also not physically with us, she was working somewhere and was with someone else. I literally became the guardian of my brother who doesn’t listen to me.
STOP or SUPPORT? It’s so embarrassing to reach out to her because she’s so angry of the father for leaving us. My stubbornness also stopped me from following mother because I have to finish my high school where I had it started for the college scholarship, which I have availed anyway. She’s been a good support, financially; and I’m so thankful and grateful.
I have an amazing pattern. Something will end, every 2 years of anything that I am starting. Beginning when I started school, mother left because she’s sick when I was on my 2nd grade & have to keep going to school without a mother on 3rd grade; father got a new wife when I was on my 2nd year in high school & have to support myself since 3rd year in high school; Two years after, I started college and my mother denied me as her daughter in front of her workmates & of course my friends. I had no other emotional support but me and my college friends who doesn’t knew who my real mother was until during the pandemic, so that was 10 years after.
I got disqualified on my 2nd year in the accountancy program and have to transition to other degree in my 3rd year in college. Two years after my graduation my uncle died and my mother got triggered, she got supper depressed, his brother took over the place and his family; I felt like an outcast and I started to get to know people and left home to stand on my own and failed. Almost two years of being far without contact just like what my father did to me, I returned home. Two years after that, I started a new job & Two years after I started another job.
The patterns sounds a bit scary these days because I also started a new milestone two years ago, and I’m now in my 3rd year, hopefully I will be able to finish it without stopping or denying or running way when things goes out of control. I hope to be able to face my shame and my fears and accept my mistakes if I made one indeed. May I be open for change to grow, after all that’s why I applied there in the first place. I’m still not so sure what’s up with all those patterns but I’m working on me. It’s so hard but my CI said, “If it’s not going to kill you, then do it.”
One thing I’m so sure now would be this one thing: I must not stop myself nor stop others for being who they wanted to be, I must support instead of stop them. I must not ran away nor abandon myself or others even if I feel like “I am not good enough.” In other words, I will do the best I can to “Support” not stop no matter how embarrassing this can be.
May your next “S” be Support, Surrender, Stay & Succeed not “Stop.” Use your strength to Support yourself instead of using it to stop it from growing! Let yourself be the parents you never had and the family support you never have. In other words, “Stand Up” for yourself instead of shying away or denying what has been done because of fear of judgement. Let them be! So what? Right, Jk?
Mt. Apo, she’s coming for you & I’ll be by her side pushing her to train her lazy butt so she can make it alive! 🌈✈️📸 #Excited
Climbing, Rocks! 