Clarity is a good thing about spending time in nature. I’ve had so much realizations soon as I’ve allowed myself to listen.
Truth really sets you free. Once you accept that you needed improvement, you are setting yourself free from begging, forcing, or manipulating.
Accepting defeat is not a weakness. Accepting rejection is also not a weakness. Acceptance of “what is” is a strength and sign of maturity.
It’s when you start looking deeper within you, checking what needs more improvement; instead of blaming and hating others for not getting what you want.
Taking responsibility of your mistakes and being open to change are the two most important decisions that we as an adult can do to move past our emotional baggages.
Yes, it is painful to be defeated specially if you are so invested in a relationship, at work or even in a family. Yet in the end, you are still replaced by someone.
My father choose another family but that doesn’t mean we are worst. He cheated while my mother is with my little brother but that doesn’t mean she’s bad.
I used to blame both of us for my father’s behaviour. Maybe it’s our fault why he doesn’t like us nor made us feel like we deserve his attention.
He always comes late and it made me wait all night for him to be home so I can open the door for him and he never did. He came home in the morning and then left again. We had no family. It has always been incomplete.
I used to be so angry of me and my mother and we always fight by shutting her off and she’s wondering why. She would always be so kind to me still even if I am pushing her away because I thought I don’t deserve I always thought I’m a person for not having our Father to stand up for us. We are left bullied.
We were blamed for leaving but it was him who left us first and not take responsibility. It was always her who took all the burden since I was born. I did not listen to her because I cannot bear it, it’s too strong for me to handle. In return, she’s not listening to me whenever I have complaints.
Her depression is now my depression and I understand where she’s coming from because I am now in her shoes. It is indeed true that you cannot fully understand someone unless you are in their shoes. Her depression caused by the gossips, rejections, betrayal, feeling not good enough, etc. have reached me.
It is now my turn to handle it properly and understand her fully. She will have my full support. She did the best she could and I’m so proud of how strong she was no matter how many times she failed to notice the patterns.
Lucky me to have seen it through my personal experiences. Her depression in the past have been passed down to me by her stories that I hated to listen because it sounds so deep and traumatizing.
Sometimes, when I’m in that state, I feel the same way she’s feeling and thinking the same way she was thinking in the past. Now I understand why she did what she did in the past. I am luckily strong to handle it differently. All thanks to my faith in the Lord and trust in my instincts and my ideas.
All is well and God is good all time.
I am less confused now. I can make my own choice and forgive at the same time. We’re all moving forward with hope that everything will flow well as it should. Now without the confusions and denials that’s blocking my way.
It’s better to tell the truth no matter how embarassing that can be, hoping that the Lord will understand. Yes, I was depressed and I was helpless, without friends and family’s support; that’s why I kept quitting. There are things that I just couldn’t handle on my own, so are you.
So if you have a friend who’s there for you whenever you’re down, you’re blessed. It’s hard to have no one to talk to when you’re feeling so bad about yourself. And if you have no one to trust, then maybe start journaling and going to church. It’s not bad to tell God what you’re going through right now.
A friend once said: Go out with your friends and have fun.
Climbing, Rocks! 