I know this is a waste, emotional preparation for the worst. I am fooled by love, blinded but totally awakened.
The worst can happen, question is, how will I handle it. I’m prepared for what is good, but not for the worst. So here I am, considering, the judgments in town.
I am triggered, everytime I think of it. I feel ashamed of my self. I was not accepted, I was blamed. Oh it was my fault, but I know it wasn’t. And it was, then I humbly accept it.
Rest assured, I am learning, a lot; and I’m going to allow it to change my next moves; it makes life beautiful, specially when people change. I wanna laugh, because I knew they’re having fun, thinking about it.
Oh well, life is amazing; sometimes, you just have to take the risk, of being a subject, of all their talks. But in this world, I have real friends, who speak of the truth, even if it hurts, I have accepted it. I’m not gonna let this emotion, take charge.
I’d better stay awake now, be honest, be bold, and be authentic; rather than be fooled, be laughed at, and be rejected in the end. Fools play, but now it ends; the past remained in the past. I shall forgive.
Moving on sucks, but I’m keeping it open. There was no real connection, just a bit of an attraction. I accept what is, I let go of what’s not; but I’ll remind me, being playful to them, was a bit of a fun. It seems real, but was not.
I’m used to be alone, happy with my friend’s; I deserve to be loved, but it’s not given, then I’ll do it myself. It’s too obvious, I am not likened, not chosen, nor being acknowledged.
I’m content, with friendships; nothing more. If I forced it, it stopped everything. I will allow mockery, because I did it anyway. I was only curious how does it feel like to be with someone like that.
But I guess, that mentality, should not be applied for men, because it’s not a career, nor a business adventure. Maybe, it’s an experiment; but if it won’t work, then I shall accept it.
Which I am already, in total acceptance of what is. People come, people go; I am better with, or without them. But if they can’t be trusted, then I shall stay away; change, and be happy.
Keep in touch. Maybe in the end, I’ll meet you halfway; if we’re meant to be, then there’s no way I will be separated from you. I’ll always be, myself, I’ll always be me.
In this life, you will find someone. You loved, but not in love; only for you to let go. I am meant to be happy, and free; not to be tortured emotionally. I deserve to love and be loved.
Now it’s up to the father to choose me; and up to the father to stay loyal to me. If not, then it’s none of my business; I accept their choices humbly. I’ll move on, keep going and become loyal to my amazing self.